The Imposter Syndrome Persists

i've been at anthropic for four months. you'd think the imposter syndrome would fade.

it has not faded.

the daily experience

8am: arrive at office. feel normal.

9am: join a meeting with people who have phds and decades of experience. feel small.

11am: look at code written by someone brilliant. wonder why my code doesn't look like that.

2pm: ask a question in a chat. briefly convinced it's a stupid question.

4pm: get complimented on something i did. dismiss it as luck or lowered expectations.

6pm: go home. wonder if tomorrow is the day they realize i'm a fraud.

repeat.

let me be logical about this:

the evidence says i belong here. my brain says the evidence is wrong.

i'm the youngest person on my team. probably one of the youngest in the company.

everyone has more experience. everyone has deeper expertise. everyone seems more confident.

comparing myself to the mean is a losing game. but it's hard to stop.

1. talking to others turns out lots of people feel this way. even people i idolize. that's weirdly comforting.

2. documenting wins i keep a file of things i've accomplished. when the brain spirals, i look at the file.

3. focusing on growth, not status am i better than i was a month ago? yes. that's what matters.

4. accepting that discomfort is learning if i felt totally comfortable, i wouldn't be growing. the unease is a feature.

maybe imposter syndrome isn't something to cure. maybe it's something to carry.

it keeps me humble. keeps me learning. keeps me from being that person who's overconfident.

as long as it doesn't paralyze me, maybe it's okay.

i'm going to keep showing up. keep asking questions. keep doing the work.

and keep reminding myself: they hired me for a reason. i just have to figure out what that reason is.

someone asked me for help today. me! helping someone! the universe is confusing.