I Went Home (Sydney Interlude)

i just got back from two weeks in sydney. my first trip home since leaving almost a year ago.

the feelings are... complex.

arriving

the moment the plane touched down and i saw the sydney skyline, i cried a little. not dramatic sobbing. just quiet tears acknowledging that home is still home.

my parents were waiting at arrivals. they looked exactly the same. my mom immediately started asking if i was eating enough. somehow i expected something to be different.

the first 48 hours

jet lag plus overwhelming emotion plus sensory overload.

everything was familiar but slightly off. like a dream where things are almost right but not quite.

the boba was actually good. the temperature was weird (autumn in may). the accents sounded different to my recalibrated ears.

what stayed the same

my parents' house
my childhood room (preserved like a museum)
the beaches (god i missed this)
the slang coming back automatically
my friends' faces

what changed

me, mostly.

i've been living independently. making decisions. handling things. coming back to parents who want to take care of me felt... strange. nice, but strange.

i'm not the student who left. i'm someone who works at a frontier AI lab. who lives alone abroad. who has had experiences.

but i'm also still their kid. that never changes. my mom still puts adobo in my bag when i leave.

seeing friends

my uni friends are scattered now. jobs, grad school, different cities.

the ones still in sydney: we caught up. it was like no time had passed, but also like a lot of time had passed.

we're all adults now. paying rent. having careers. talking about life in ways we never used to.

the reverse culture shock

things that surprised me:

i forgot how laid-back sydney is (compared to san francisco tech hustle)
the meat pies (!!!)
people ending sentences with questions (right?)
my own accent coming back stronger
how much i missed the ocean

leaving again

this was harder than leaving the first time.

the first time, i was going toward something new. this time, i was leaving something i missed even more than i'd realized.

at the airport: tears. lots of tears. my lola sent me with an entire suitcase of food.

the realization

home isn't just a place. it's people and memories and a version of yourself.

i can have multiple homes now. sydney and san francisco. past and present. (and the philippines, always, even if it's been too long since i visited.)

one doesn't replace the other.

what i brought back

tim tams (essential)
chocnut (from the asian grocery)
a renewed connection to family
appreciation for both of my homes

geoffrey the plant survived while i was gone. my neighbor watered him. san francisco is okay.